The Conspiracy Theory of the Week

Formerly the Amoeba Page

People say that the mystery of crop circles has been solved. And, in their minds, it has been; duped as they are by the supposed admissions of those who made the crop circles. However, we can now reveal the Truth.

As everyone knows, there are lots of Aliens out there. This is because mummy Alien, daddy Alien and occasionally Aliens of several other sexes enjoy getting together for a meeting of tubes/tentacles/wobbly liquids to create baby Aliens. Life on board the mothership is often cramped and boring, and the Aliens whose job it is to carry out long-term surveillance on earthlings frequently beam down to earth for a bit of fun, safe in the knowledge that their memory-erasing rays will keep them safe from prying eyes. Having observed earthlings having sex in cornfields, the Aliens assumed that this was an accepted function of cornfields and tried it themselves. This particular species of alien has a large, circular behind and the ability to levitate... If you have ever woken up in the countryside with no memory of what you did the previous night, it's time to check for wobbly liquids.

Elvis. Haven't heard much from him lately, have we?
Well, it's obvious. He must be up to something. Something secret. At the risk of our lives, we can now reveal some vague details of the Master Plan...

As everyone knows, Elvis was kidnapped by Aliens in 1973 and replaced by a robotic substitute. Aliens like to interfere in human affairs. From his secret hideout in the South Pacific (shared by Princess Diana and Lord Lucan) he is organising a mass restructuring of popular culture by the secret brainwashing of thousands via subliminal messages on the internet. Expect the whole world to break out in a rash of Elvis Impersonators soon. How does this help the master plan? Well, it doesn't. My sources say that the Aliens will not be very happy when they check up on the situation; so, therefore, if you were going to move to the South Pacific: Don't.
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