Let me tell you the story of King Lear. Not the one that Shakespeare tells. Not even the horribly mangled version by Nahum Tate (and can I mention how annoyed I am that the librettist of Dido and Aeneas stooped so low?). But the one, true version how things were, as my friends, my husband and I discovered on the 8th of November, in the year 2003...

But a few years before the events that Shakespeare recounts, all seems well among the high families of Britain. Here we see Cordelia and Regan, relaxing at a function.

And here we see a typical council meeting. On the right, Lear on his throne listens to Gloucester's sage counsel. Elsewhere, however, there are already signs of bad things to come. Albany drifts off to sleep, while Goneril hides her face in exasperation. Meanwhile Cornwall gazes into the middle-distance in a sinister manner, hatching plots.

After the council, Lear spares a smile for the court photographer. Gloucester is deep in thought, reminiscing perhaps on the beauties of Edmund's mother. But again there are ominous omens: Goneril's glance towards her father is narrow and calculating, and Cornwall's evil ruminations have become grimmer and more, well, evil.

A party, a year or two later. Lear is relaxing his ceremony a little, sitting between his two closest friends, the loyal Kent (who seems to be finding the whole thing rather soporific), and the ever-present Gloucester. Regan, sat alone, contemplates her forthcoming marriage to Cornwall, though her poker-face is better than his, as sadly we must conclude that she is planning an evil scheme. Edmund, on one of his few permitted trips home, has been confined to the corner with the Fool. Neither of them look too happy about it.

Fortunately the Fool and Edmund are now entertaining each other rather better. Meanwhile Cordelia and Edgar enjoy pleasant conversation and smile chirpily at the camera.

"I am only sorry thou hadst no other deathsman". In later years Edgar bitterly regretted his ill-advised, tempestuous affair with the unspeakable Oswald, and did his best to hush it up.

Fortunately for Edgar, the only person who ever saw them together was Kent, and he was thoroughly stoned at the time.

Time passed. Now, only a few weeks before the events of Act i of Shakespeare's play, we see the first meeting of Cordelia and the King of France. They are chaperoned by Regan, who is again successfully concealing her wicked schemes beneath a mask of pleasantness.

France was so struck by Cordelia's beauty that he requested a close-up portrait of her. Cordelia, ever amiable, was happy to oblige. Here we see the picture she sent him - a cheery moment from the life of a lovely and truly happy woman. Oh, the pity of it! *sobs*

France was delighted with Cordelia's picture and sent one of himself to her, as a thank-you present.

Just hours before the council meeting in which Lear will famously banish Kent and Cordelia, we see Edgar relaxing at Gloucester's palace. Little does he know how soon he will leave it, and under what circumstances!

Let us now draw a veil over the events that immediately followed. They were deeply unpleasant, and shakespeare's account is both beautifully-written and, on the whole, accurate. Instead, let me tell you about what happened afterwards...

On the death of Kent, only hours after Lear was buried, Albany and Edgar took the throne. They began a co-operative and utopian rule that lasted many years, aided by a mysterious and rather foxy woman, known only as Lucy.

The Duke of Burgundy bitterly regretted his cold and mercenary attitude towards Cordelia. But two years after Edgar, Lucy and Albany began their reign, Burgundy passed his dukedom over to his younger brother, lived for several months as a benevolent hermit, and then, inspired by tales of the loyalty and sacrifice of Lear's Fool, determined to become a Fool himself. Here we see him practising a complex and time-honoured jesting position.

In time Burgundy's skill at fooling became so great that Albany and Edgar put the past behind them and employed him as official fool to the British court. And it is rumoured that after so much pain at the hands of his wife, Albany finally found happiness in the arms of the repentant nobleman.

Edgar, meanwhile, grew a fabulous beard and swaggered around the court, attempting to break a few hearts. History is silent as to whether or not he actually managed it. Anyway, here we see him trying it on with the court photographer.

And here we see our heroes relaxing after a long day, lusting over Burgundy's Shakira DVD. But who is that whose hair we can see in the foreground? There are stories that the spirit of Gloucester haunts the court, a benevolent ghost who brings luck to the people of Britain. Can this indeed be him, caught on camera for the very first time?

And what of cordelia? It is claimed that she became a faerie - called the Ash-Fae - and that her task for all eternity is to guard this world we live in, and save it from evil dangers such as the mysterious hand we can see on the left of the picture...